Thursday, January 18, 2018

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Headaches . . . .



Joe had suffered from bad headaches for the past 20 years and eventually decided to go and see a doctor about it.

The doctor said: “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and became depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. The surgery cost him $15,000. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought: ‘That’s what I need, a new suit.’ He entered the shop and asked the salesman to tailor a new suit.

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let's see ... size 44 long.”

Joe laughed, “That's right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years,” the tailor replied.

Joe tried on the suit and it fitted perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”

Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let's see, 96cm chest and 42cm neck.”

Joe was surprised, “That's right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years,” he replied.

Joe tried the shirt and it fitted perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The salesman said, “Let's see... size 36.”

Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

 Thanks Dan

Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Friday, January 12, 2018

Liberal Memes Are Liblicious




 But Melania looked good in it.
 





Thank You David

Thursday, January 11, 2018

The Husband Store


A store that sells new husbands has opened in Toronto , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!




So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love children.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more,' so she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love children, and are extremely good looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
 

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love children, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love children, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to thesixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Thank You David

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Liberalishness









Proudly stolen from Facebook Friends

Tuesday, January 9, 2018